Breakfast is the best time of day. It’s the only time of day Rosemary eats. 

I mentioned the other day that she is only weighing in the 4th percentile. Well, the doctor was concerned with this because she has apparently lost about a pound since her October well-child visit. I maintained that this was because, at that appointment, they weighed her on the standing scale while fully clothed (and clad in rain boots) as opposed to this time when they weighed her in a diaper on the baby scale. “Oh, that could be it,” the doctor said. Then let the nurse weigh her on the standing scale. Unfortunately, she was still only in a diaper, so it didn’t help matters. I was told she needs to gain weight and given a paper of high-calorie and protein foods I should be feeding her.

Guess what? I already feed her that food. I put butter on her veggies and leave snacks out constantly, as if she’s a squirrel. I only buy whole-fat dairy for her. I add infant iron-fortified oatmeal to her Quaker oats. I’ve tried Carnation Instant Breakfast, and spreading nut butters on her crackers and toast. She eats high-calorie foods like macaroni cheese and pastas in rich sauces often. I offer whole milk alllll day long (which she drinks a fair amount of).

Short of feeding her cookies and ice cream for every meal (which I won’t do—compromising long-term eating habits for a short-term pound or two), there is nothing else I CAN do to fatten her up. I offer and offer, but I’m up against a mighty mini. Not only that, but in typical toddler fashion, she is finicky about things. Eating a ton of something one day and completely refusing it the next. She wants to use our adult-sized utensils and won’t stay in her booster seat. She eats two bites and then wants a different fork or desperately needs to climb down (“No.no.no.no.no,” she says). She only wants the bowl with Spot the Dog on the bottom. And on and on. So, I’m really, really frustrated. I never want eating to have negative associations. I don’t want it to be a control thing. I don’t want a battle. So I don’t know what to do. She is happy and energetic and eats when she wants to, so I have to believe she’s completely healthy. But it’s hard to have a “take it or leave it” approach to her meals when I’m being berated for her weight.

I feel like with babies and children, it’s always about feeding. Criticism for how long you breastfeed or when you start solids or whether you do bananas or avocado first, or food allergy concerns or whether you give juice or sugar or blah blah blah. And percentiles. Why is it that a baby in the 96th percentile is considered perfectly healthy, but mine is suspect? Surely, in this society, we should be avoiding food issues and gunning for children who are not on the road to obesity and unhealthy eating habits. From the beginning, I’ve tried so hard to do things right, but if I’ve learned anything, it’s that parenting is a lesson in letting go and accepting what you cannot control. 

So, here I sit confused and annoyed. Another evening with half a banana, a bowl of Annie’s organic spaghetti o’s, and most of a yogurt and Chipotle leftovers piling up on the kitchen sink. All uneaten. All over the floor around an empty booster seat. And a toddler who has only eaten a few bites of black beans and part of a peanut butter cookie since breakfast. 

I’m trying to keep a healthy perspective, but as I look through recipes about how to sneak avocado puree into chocolate cake, I’m nothing if not disheartened. Deep breath. Tomorrow is another day.