In Nine Months

Anthea’s bedtime routine is pretty set. Each night, it is the...

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:38:11 -0700

Anthea’s bedtime routine is pretty set. Each night, it is the same. Sometimes I worry that it revolves too much around me. But, without fail, I enjoy the quiet moments I spend with her at the end of our day.

We bathe the girls at 7:30. Sometimes, it’s a struggle to get them to get out of the tub, with Rosie requesting “big water” out of the faucet, and Anthea splashing up a storm, her fist balled around a bathtime Thomas the Tank Engine. And sometimes they are just ticked off at having their hair washed and it’s a pretty quick affair.

Then, I take Anthea to her room, and she smells all fresh and her hair dries fluffy and curly in a minute flat. She sits on my lap and I read to her. She loves books lately. Whereas it seems not long ago, she’d just grab and try to eat the books, she now enjoys reading. Especially “Pat the Bunny,” “Good Night Gorilla,” “Blue Hat, Green Hat,” a bunch of Mickey Mouse books from the 70s, and this one gem called, “Fruit.”

Then I zip her in her sleepsack. I can usually tell how tired she is by how much wiggling she does as I do the snaps at the top. I turn out the lights and turn on her sound machine to the rain selection (a Seattle baby from day one, no?). She snuggles up with her bunny lovey in my arms in the rocking chair to nurse.

At some point, I stand up and hold her vertically while I walk around in the dark and sing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” These are the best few moments. She lays fully against me, her head pressed into me like the relaxed newborn I remember so well. And when we sit back down and she’s reclined again, she claps and says “Yaaay!” It’s always nice to know my vocal talents are appreciated.

And she melts off to sleep or almost to sleep, rocking and nursing to her heart’s content. I always recall how she used to fit in so much less space. There near my heart, as usual, but now staggeringly long and changed.

I never sleep as soundly as I did in the days before I had kids. I check on them periodically at night. Every single night. To hear them breathing and kiss their heads one last time. And readjust the blankets and relocate some stuffed toys, and watch their chests rise. When does that stop? My guess is never. I remember my mother telling me once that when I was in high school, even though she was busy, she would drive by sometimes just to glance at my car in the parking lot. And if this sounded a little crazy to me as a teenager, it is now such a sweet truth. This power my children have over me astonishes and breaks and holds me in this sway.

And once everyone is out, and I do sleep, I dream in quick snapshots. Heads on chests, warmth in the dark, the stories I’ve read a thousand times on repeat, Jamberry and whatever moment was splendid today; cars in parking lots, and those little baby hands. Where are they going, I wonder. Let me witness.

You know your 2 year old is tired when…

Sun, 19 May 2013 21:09:59 -0700

You know your 2 year old is tired when…

The 2-Year-Old Art Critic

Mon, 13 May 2013 20:13:54 -0700

Rosemary: Mama, what's that?
Me: That is a bronze sculpture.
Rosemary: Oh. It looks like poop.

It’s been so warm this past week, that by afternoon,...

Sun, 12 May 2013 22:05:00 -0700

It’s been so warm this past week, that by afternoon, it’s near-80 inside our house. To counter this, we’ve been outdoors near constantly. Swinging in our backyard, playing at the park, throwing rocks into the water and watching ferries. By the time we’ve bathed the stick of popsicles off their fingers, and scrubbed the dirt off their tiny toes, and when they fall into their beds at night they sleep soundly.

Today, on Mother’s Day, we woke up to drizzle and the windows being open meant it was a bit chilly. It felt good to hold Anthea in the rocking chair, to be warmed by her face on my skin. There is so much I’ve grown accustomed to. For thousands of times, I have breathed in the scent of their baby-shampooed hair, kissed their cheeks which seem to fade in toddler chubbiness daily, dressed them and wrangled on socks and shoes. It is easy to fall into what I have always done and forget that I will not always need to do these tasks.

To be needed is such an honor. To be theirs, moving through the universe at such a speed, is a joy. Each day, I’m gifted with their exuberance for life (and swimming pools even on not-exactly-warm days; and coolers, which apparently make excellent bobsleds).

To my own mom, who sets such an example in what it means to give and love. And my mother-in-law, who gets a gold star for raising the good man I’m married to. And to the moms I’m so lucky to know and learn from. And to the yet-to-be and future moms whose journey is just getting started. Happy Mother’s Day, all.

Feeling pretty lucky and loved tonight. Obviously, cuz look at...

Tue, 07 May 2013 22:22:20 -0700

Feeling pretty lucky and loved tonight.

Obviously, cuz look at that cake Rosemary decorated for me.

Seriously though, I have some amazing people in my life. I came down this morning to a Star Wars table cloth, and my kids scribbling on a Dora the Explorer card. We had a fun play date and Grandma Jane and Papa Dan came to babysit while Andrew and I went out to dinner tonight. I also got some very thoughtful gifts from my in-laws and parents, and Andrew. So far, 28 is setting up to be a pretty good year!

"Happy birthday, Mommy. I gonna take you to the grocery store and get you 10 sprinkled donuts, a..."

Tue, 07 May 2013 07:09:17 -0700

“Happy birthday, Mommy. I gonna take you to the grocery store and get you 10 sprinkled donuts, a balloon, and two pieces of blue cake!”

- Rosemary’s got quite the idea of a birthday party

I’ve been waiting for the day the girls play together, and it’s developing so...

Fri, 03 May 2013 16:14:58 -0700

I’ve been waiting for the day the girls play together, and it’s developing so adorably.

This morning, they set up a tea party for all the toy animals. Sure, Anthea does some things that are a little, uh, counterproductive to feeding plastic animals wooden food and fake tea. But, she really gets into it now. Yes, that’s her feeding a snake a finger-cream biscuit. And the killer, was she made lip-smacking chewing sounds while it ate.

I spoke too soon. The stomach bug was back today, with a...

Thu, 02 May 2013 20:26:31 -0700

I spoke too soon. The stomach bug was back today, with a vengeance.

But, she looks so sweet, sleeping next to her princesses that she tucked in. Even a tummy disaster can’t get her down.

Dear Rosemary, On Sunday night, you got sick to your stomach. It...

Wed, 01 May 2013 21:54:57 -0700

Dear Rosemary,

On Sunday night, you got sick to your stomach. It was a long couple of days, and I did a lot of laundry. And I cleaned puke out of your car seat. And I wondered if maybe you picked this up when you were rolling a Barbie car all over the floor in Goodwill, or when you ate a donut that you dropped sprinkle-side down in the grocery store.

But most importantly, I really tried to make you a priority. I held your hand while you fell asleep, and sang you songs that you requested (“Hakuna Matata,” and “Winnie the Pooh,” and “Whole New World,” and on and on), and when you woke up to vomit, the first thing you yelled was “Mama!”

It still gets me. The balance of letting go and hanging on. When you’re healthy, all you do is resist my attempts to snuggle, run away when I try to put your shoes on or comb your hair, giggle and hide. And then suddenly, there is need. I’m taken back to the nights I rocked you to sleep, when you were just-new and so small you couldn’t even suck to eat.

Now you are healthy. You woke up Tuesday morning requesting waffles and strawberries. And then more waffles and more syrup. And I crossed my fingers. I’m so thankful you aren’t sick often. That was rough enough.

But I hope you know I am here, always, even when you aren’t puking. Life is always good. You are my proof.

Love,

Mom

I Scream, You Scream

Wed, 01 May 2013 21:54:07 -0700

Got some free ice cream today. Delicious, handcrafted strawberry, and the day was pretty warm, making it even more tasty. Both kids liked it, which surprised me.

Anthea balks at most things I try to feet her bites of, especially desserts, which I occasionally try to get her to sample. She didn’t even care for her birthday cake a few months back! But, she is kind of a little aficionado. She will eat croissants from the best bakery in the city, and fancy ice creams, and is generally pretty hilarious with her tastes.

Rosemary just goes for it, but will certainly help you with your own spoon.

Every Wednesday morning, Rosemary has a gymnastics class....

Wed, 01 May 2013 10:46:34 -0700

Every Wednesday morning, Rosemary has a gymnastics class. It’s not mommy-and-me, so Anthea and I patiently wait. And by that, I mean I chase her as she scales stairs, tries to beeline for equipment, and generally goes everywhere but the designated play area. Some day, kiddo, you can do gymnastics, too!

We’ve had a rush of warm-weather lately. Each day we’re greeted with blue sky, I...

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 21:38:18 -0700

We’ve had a rush of warm-weather lately. Each day we’re greeted with blue sky, I take these little spitfires to the park. One day this week, we ended up next to an empty skate park. Rosemary, Anthea, and their friend tore around that place like Tony Hawk, no actual skateboards or equipment required. They slid down every ramp, and were so filthy by the time we left, all I could do was laugh.

Nothing makes them happier than being outside; exploring, giggling, climbing trees, making trouble. Anthea, especially loves water. I filled up our kiddie pool with an inch of water and they played in it until I was sure they couldn’t feel their extremities and coerced them inside with the promise of a snack.

They’ve picked all the dandelions in our backyard, and over-watered every plant we own. They’ve held onto each other and careened down slides, and at the end of many days, have smelled like sweat and spilled grape juice.

All I want to do is remember them this way. The funny things Rosemary says, the way Anthea says “No” when I try to feed her instead of letting her do it herself, the unique way each one feels in my arms (one long and balanced, the other still willing to lay her head against me). I hope they are enjoying it all. My lovely girls, my two little everyday sidekicks.

So often I am caught saying the following: Don’t push!...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 21:15:28 -0700

So often I am caught saying the following: Don’t push! Give that toy back, please! Keep your hands to yourself. Watch out! She’s smaller than you, be careful. Don’t knock her over!

Even good intentions (holding hands while walking, or boosting her up on a slide) can go quickly awry.

But sometimes, there are moments of true tenderness. Rosemary will go bring Anthea the bunny she can’t live without. Anthea will giggle with joy at just seeing her big sister. Rosemary will share her crackers ever so willingly. Sisterly love that shines through all the craziness. And I can only stand back and smile at their sweetness.

Always nice to have help getting a freshly washed cover back on...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 11:04:22 -0700

Always nice to have help getting a freshly washed cover back on the heaviest carseat ever. Seriously, guys, it’s not a bobsled. And yes that is a saucepan sitting near Anthea’s foot. Apparently that was necessary. 30 mins later, it was all good and back in the car!

Anthea would like to show you her sticks. Gosh, this kid is...

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 21:12:33 -0700

Anthea would like to show you her sticks.

Gosh, this kid is funny and amazing. Especially at the park. She loves slides, and is so brave she goes down the big swirly ones all by herself, even. She is just starting to understand how to climb back up to the top on her own, until recently, she tried to go back up the slide, instead if going up the climbing equipment. Seriously, squeal of delight if we are within 10 feet of a slide.

She also loves swings, and will close her eyes and giggle with her whole face.

Puddles are also a park delight.

It’s going to be a good spring.

Rosemary took to the lanes for her first-ever bowling experience...

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 13:14:28 -0700

Rosemary took to the lanes for her first-ever bowling experience today. They even had tot bowling shoes that were only one size too large.

The alley had bumpers that automatically popped up when it was her turn, ramps to roll the balls down, and special little 6-pound balls for kids.

She enjoyed it for a while, but 6 people bowling on a game kinda took a while a boredom set in. Kid bowled a 92!

Anthea’s first coloring project. Previous attempts ended...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 09:41:16 -0700

Anthea’s first coloring project. Previous attempts ended in crayon eating. But this is quite the masterpiece!

Everything is new to Anthea. Even mud puddles. You can walk in them, you can pick up rocks and...

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 22:30:45 -0700

Everything is new to Anthea. Even mud puddles. You can walk in them, you can pick up rocks and throw them in, you can even put your face into the puddle, for the full experience.

I remember last year, I walked down our alley with Rosie splashing in puddles. Anthea was asleep in her car seat, a tiny infant who didn’t like the sun on her face or the chilly breeze. What a difference a year makes. A whole personality bloomed from one spring to the next.

I’ve been meaning to write a little bit on how it’s...

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 22:29:15 -0700

I’ve been meaning to write a little bit on how it’s been having two kids so young and so close in age.

Rosemary and Anthea are 18 months apart. And honestly, the first year was crazy. It’s just now that I’m starting to feel a little more in control. For the longest time, every outing with them alone made my heart beat so hard and my hands clammy. It was just stressful and I felt barely in control. Someone would cry while the other one didn’t quite make it to the potty, juice would spill, I’d forget coats or diapers or snacks. Too young to understand danger, Rosemary would run away and not listen when I frantically begged her to come back. Both wouldn’t fit in a shopping cart, and neither would stay. People would gawk, or honk for my parking spot while I was breastfeeding in the front seat.

Not to say some of these issues don’t still happen, but it got easier. I think part of it came from Rosemary getting older and communicating and listening better. Part of it came from Anthea going down easier and sleeping better (magically) at 12 months. And more sleep made me less anxious. And I got the hang of little things. Things that you don’t think of unless you have failed to think of them ten times before.

I got out of the house almost every single day. We went to play dates and parks and gymnastics classes and to see Andrew at work and to meet my mom for lunch and to Target for diapers. Even when it was a challenge, it was fun.

Sometimes I feel guilty for the moments I didn’t enjoy. For the times I spent picking up toys or maybe asking Rosemary a little too harshly (for the third time) to get her shoes. For the holidays where I thought, “Next year, this will be so much easier.”

Other times, I just feel lucky that I’ve kept it together. Fed, clothed (plus, a spare set of clothes for each girl AT ALL TIMES), bathed, diapered, necessities-covered. And I may not have done it perfectly, but I’ve kept the important things at the heart of our life. Getting outside, letting them make a mess in a sandbox in 40-degree weather because the sun’s out, making them laugh, and getting out the paints for Rosemary when I really didn’t want to deal with the inevitable clean-up. Seeing grandparents and keeping up relationships with friends. Reading to them every day, and spending time together as a family, even if we did something simple, like walked in the alley or watched Toy Story 3 for the 200th time.

And oh, how I love them. There is nothing as fulfilling and perfect as the smell of their heads or the sound of two crazy giggling kids. My heart is full, and for them, I would do anything. One thing about having two so close together, is there is no space to consider how fast time moves. I barely recall the nights I spent rocking Rosemary. And what I do remember, I think back on fondly. There seem to be no hours, only moments. And so, in what I do, no matter how small, I try to just enjoy the fleetingness while I can still hold it. Even if I have to set it down, and watch it go, watch it learn to run away.

I’m treated to fantastic dance parties on a regular basis...

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 21:38:42 -0700

I’m treated to fantastic dance parties on a regular basis from both kids.

Not to brag, but in a Baby Center email, it said toddlers may start to dance by 18 months old. Anthea got her groove on well before she was a year old, and now she’s moved on to more complicated moves such as spinning and stomping. Next step, moon walk and electric slide.